Aaahhh

I LOVE this time of year. My Grandma instilled a love of Christmas in me very early on. I get pangs of sorrow every year, but it is still my favorite. I miss her. This year is so great. My kids are a little older and they really seem to get it...the true meaning of Christmas. I love that. A lot of adults don't get it and my 6 and 4 year old seem to. I love watching my daughter struggle because she is DYING to give her brother his gift because she knows that he will LOVE it. (And he will...she knows him!) I love watching my son struggle with wanting to buy his sister everything he sees because he loves her so much. I love that we spent over an hour this morning reading Bible stories by the fire with the tree lights on. One of my favorite things this year...I LOVE the sound of my son singing Christmas carols to me. He is still small enough to have just a bit of a speech impediment and the sound of him singing is so, so precious. The other day, on the way to his school, he said to me, "Mommy, I know that Jesus loves us and that He died so we could live." And I believe that he does know that. It brought me to tears and warmed me to my soul. For a family that does not make it to church hardly ever...my kids know God. I do not believe that it is anything I have done. I believe fully that they were born with this love and knowledge...I just did not squash it. We pray, we talk about God, but they know things beyond what we have discussed. It is cool...and creepy. I feel extra blessed to have these amazing creatures who are so spiritual.

We just had a "tea party" with hot chocolate, marshmallows, whipped cream with Christmas sprinkles, little Christmas cookies and a candy cane for stirring...it was fun. We watched Year Without a Santa Claus...I love this time of year. I have to keep this short though...Kennedy wants one more Bible story and we have GOT to get to the toothbrushes!

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Yeah...I keep not posting again...sorry

We stay pretty busy over here. It does not lend itself to blogging. And even when we are home, to find a quiet moment to type my thoughts without interruption...well that just does not happen. There are 2 kids and a husband over here! :) One day it will be quiet and I will have lots of time to myself...and I am quite certain that when that time comes...I will cry EVERY DAY! My house will be clean and my laundry will be done AND put away in the same day and the groceries will remain somewhat consistent...oh, what a sad, sad day it will be. I do not look forward to it like some people do. The idea of my babies growing up and leaving me paralyzes me. I like having them around. They are funny and chaotic and unpredictable and too loud on occasion and messy as all get out, but man, do they fill my heart! I scarcely recall a time before I was their mother. I feel like I should get to celebrate with Kennedy every May 16th because the reality is...we were both born that day. She breathed her first breath and I became a mother...someone completely new. I remember both of us breathing that first breath together. It felt a little like the end of the Grinch...I am quite certain that my heart grew three sizes that day.

Wow...you just never know where a train of thought will take you when you finally do sit down and type. The Christmas season makes me incredibly sappy. I warn you...it will likely get worse. I will, at some point, type a lot about Grandma. She taught me to live Christmas time fully. It is only right that I spend some time telling you more about her. Have I mentioned that she was AMAZING?! There are not words...really. She was that good. Ask anyone.

I must now go and dress the girl. School time is upon us and her mother was busy typing. Oops.

Yea for small play dates

So, Mr. Negativity and I were signed up to go to a play date this morning. He naturally bucked the idea and went into a full on negative spiral where the whole world was evil and out to get him and cause him misery. I made him go. We...I said we would be there...we were going. I have been letting him be a hermit too much lately. The weather will allow it, or demand it again all too soon. We got there and he was on my like a conjoined twin, but I was prepared for this and just sat down and wore him like a Snuggie. The sounds of the 3 other boys his age was intriguing. It finally got to him and, because I did not push this time, he elected to go investigate the sounds of fun. AND HE PLAYED...for a long time...and mostly happily. It was glorious! It was supposed to be a good sized crowed, but there were several last minute cancellations. While I was sad for the sweet hostess...I was GIDDY for us. It was EXACTLY what the wee boy needed. We were there until 12:30pm when I looked at the clock, gasped at the time and ran away. I never dreamed we would be there for 2 and a half hours! I was hoping for at least an hour and would have been shocked with an hour and a half...but TWO AND A HALF HOURS?! I never dreamed it possible. It was perfect. Enough kids to constitute a crowd, but few enough to not set off sensory and anxiety issues. The wee boy was proud of himself and happy that he had had a great time and I am proud of him. He gave it a chance and had fun. It was a great morning. And...his Daddy is coming home early so that he does not have to go to Girl Scouts this afternoon. Life is good in Bubbaland today.

Bad dreams and wonderful Grandmas

I hate bad dreams...and now that I typed that, I find it to be a rather stupid statement. Who really LIKES bad dreams? They are bad...it is in the name. I have a couple of recurring dreams that are always a little hard to shake when I wake up...last night I had one. I need to preface with a little bit of information that people newer to my life. I loved my grandparents with all of my soul. They were a MAJOR influence in my life...particularly my grandma. She was amazing. She was the only person I have ever known that truly had NO enemies. Everyone liked her. You could not not like her. She cooked and baked and bought 5 different boxes of sugared cereal that she kept in a cabinet we could reach and she never monitored our consumption. I seriously ate an entire box of Froot Loops one afternoon after school. She also had a gum drawer and fountain Coke. She was awesome...and not even for the afore mentioned reasons. She was love. It poured out of her and enveloped you completely. When she looked at me...she saw me...but only acknowledged the good parts. She saw the other stuff, but she chose not to dwell on it. She loved me for who I was and where I was, even when I was a moody teenager. She was wicked funny too. Until I had my children, I had never loved anyone the way that I loved Grandma. When I was 20 cancer took her from me. I was not sure I would survive it, but I did...for her. And when I was 30...cancer took Grandpa too. I hate cancer. It took my aunt a year before Grandpa and it has attacked my sisters. It sucks. But I digress. Okay, so, grandparents = love and their loss was huge...here comes the bad dream...I call it a bad dream and not a nightmare because I lived the nightmare already. In my dream Grandma gets sick and they take her away somewhere. I have no idea who "they" are. I also have no idea where they have taken her, but I cannot find her. They keep telling me she is back down the hall in the bed room, but she isn't there when I look for her. Then they tell me she died. But then I find out that she is not dead, just taken away where I cannot find her. And then Grandpa disappears too. In the dream I am searching for them. I am really not describing the dream adequately. I don't think I can, but when I wake up there are often tears in my eyes and I have trouble shaking the feeling. Now, it does not take an expert dream interpreter to uncover the intimate meanings of the dream...it is pretty clear. But it is SO vivid that when i woke in the night this time, I was not sure if my grandparents were dead or alive and I really hate that. My heart sank when I woke up enough to realize that they are still not here. The brain is weird.

One of my creepy coolest things involving Grandma and my kids...one day, when Kennedy was 2, she said, "Mommy, remember when I was in Heaven...before I came to be in your tummy...and your Grandma took care of me?" ...Uhh...jaw hits the floor...huh-uh...but I believe you. It was creepy, and comforting all at the same time. I like the idea that the soul of my child was nurtured and prepared for me with the help of the person who knew me best in the world. It would be a great job for her...sitter of the baby souls. Did I mention that she ROCKED? Cuz she did. You would have loved her too.

:)

My kids are sweet and funny and wonderful and I love them beyond measure. It just had to be said. :)

What is wrong with people?!

The news is so disturbing this week that I cannot shake it from my brain. I am sickened and saddened and confused by people I do not even want to understand. In my home town last night, not far from where my mother lives, an 18 year old stabbed a 4 year old to death with a pair of scissors...in the 4 year old's own room...where his 6 year old brother was also. The assailant also attacked the pregnant mother as she tried to save her child. How does this happen?! How do you ever feel safe in your own home again? How will this poor woman go on and give her surviving children a feeling of safety in the world now that she knows there is none? And this is only ONE of the stories that has me physically ill. Another woman put her 10 day old infant in the washing machine and ran it. WTH?! And do not get me started on the sick people allowed to work in day care. Thank you, God, for a life that allows me to be home with my babies. Please give me the strength to send them into the world and not home school them out of fear. Keep them safe from sick, crazy people. Help me to teach them that the world is still full of love and kindness, even if I am doubting it. God, please be with the victims in these horrible tragedies, like only You can. Amen

Bear with me...or Bare with me...whichever you prefer

The quality WILL improve here. Been really busy lately. I know that will only get worse as the kids get better, but for now I am just trying to get into the habit of posting. I promise I have better things to say and share. Eventually I will get you caught up on the kids and then ride that wave through their lives...which, by the way, are traveling at breakneck speed! How are they 6 and 4?! I am taking the boy to the Zoo today. I think it may be the first time he has ever been without his sister. This is a little sad, but she loves it SO much that I always hate the thought of going with out her. He has been screwed a little because he was born last. Well, not really. He actually has reaped the benefits of not being first: more toys, more well rounded toys, mellower parents, constant playmate, etc. We miss the girl when she is at school. She is a much better playmate than I am, but I digress. We are off to see the animals because the weather does not realize that it is November in Oklahoma. I am sure that it will remember soon...and we will pay. But for today, we shall enjoy the freak weather.

2 days in a row

Wow...look at me go! LOL! I really should be getting the kids and myself ready for the day...but what ever.

The time has changed again. I like THIS one. I get to sleep in a little and yet still get up early. It is glorious for a non morning person like myself. I try not to let negativity steal this joy by already dreading the "Spring Forward" because that one nearly kills me every year. Even the verbiage is great..."Fall back". Like the old Nestea plunge. Just let go and "fall back" into bed. Where "Spring forward" it so bold and active. But while I enjoy falling, the entire daylight savings time drives me batty. We are not, predominately farmers anymore. Leave the dang clock alone. Babies and children do not get the concept and it messes with much needed routine. We need the daylight at the end of the day...that is when we play. But enough about DST. I am sure you all have your feelings on it as well and are likely discussing it in your own lives.

I will now attempt to put a photo on my Blog...I need a drum roll here...no really...I do not think you are grasping the depth of my technological inferiority...

Yeah...I don't think it took. I am now off to wrangle the children into school worthy attire, pack lunches and fill little bellies with oatmeal...and make my wee boy cry because it is now a school day. Have a great one!

Okay...

So, I am not holding up my end of this blogging thing. Sorry. Life gets busy and I get tired. It happens. Then your husband rescues your long lost photos and you spend all of your time checking them out and crying a little over how quickly time goes by. THEN you remember that you are a technological idiot and cannot even share said photos on your blog and it takes some of your steam away....oh, and the time changed. But enough excuses. I am obviously trying to get back on track because today...today I blogged. :)

4:30am

So, my loving spouse had to go out of town on business today. This is not a typical thing with his work and he hated having to do it on the wee boy's birthday, but it could not have been helped. It really is okay. The giant celebration occurred yesterday and was spectacular. I will write about it later. Anyway, said spouse arose at 4:30am and, despite his firm belief to the contrary...he is NOT quiet. I am happy about it. Yes, I said happy about it. You know me, I am NOT morning people and am exhausted from the celebration of my son's birth, but I am thrilled to be sitting here in the dark of the predawn typing away and I will tell you why. My daughter loves the idea of fairies. She has a small, square, wooden box...well, tray is likely more accurate. My mother gave it to her for her birthday and it is full of sand and little beach toys. She loves it. Both kids love sand toys. Likely because they make me batty and are messy, but whatever the case...the kids love sand toys. When my daughter first got the sand box it somehow ended up with a couple of coins in it. Likely the result of a brother who is forbidden to touch the sand box. (Do not worry about him, he got his own yesterday. Likely because my mother loves him more than she does me. :) But I digress. When my daughter discovered the coins in the sand and no one was forthcoming about how they got there, she decided that fairies must be responsible. Upon sharing this theory with me, I of course vowed secretly in my own mind to perpetuate this belief when ever possible. What does all of this have to do with me being awake at 4:30am and happy about it? Last night my precious angel left her sand box on the kitchen table and I know that she did it to see if the fairies will strike again. Normally I am good at taking care of these things but last night I was TOTALLY exhausted and went to bed early. When my loving spouse arose at the ridiculous hour I oozed out of bed, scavenged for change and loaded both children's sand boxes. See...happy. Also, I got to send my man out into the world with a hug, a kiss and a muttered statement of love. It is all good. :)

My precious first born

So, my daughter is cleaning her room today...not because I asked her to, not because her father demanded it. We got home form a weekend with the family and she just decided to do it. She comes down the stairs and asks for a bag. I take it up and she has decided to rid her room of 30 stuffed animals and an entire trash bag of toys. WOW! Stuffed animals somehow hold her soul and we recently thinned the herd by an entire trash bag already, so this is very unexpected. When I question her motives to get a feel for whether this is temporary and will be reconsidered within the next 24 hours or real she says to me...in all seriousness..."It's not that I don't love my stuff, Mommy...I can't help it. It is the way God made me, with a heart to give." WOW. She is amazing and for real. I cannot for the life of me figure out how I got so lucky twice. My kids amaze and inspire me. I hope o be them when I grow up. We are now looking for the proper charity to donate the beloved items. They must go to children who need them. This is the rule of their former owner. Man, did I mention that I love her? Did I also mention how hard I had to giggle at her nearly 4 year old brother? He is not yet as enlightened and deeply in the age of "if I see it, I must have it and will figure out later whether I want it or not." It was KILLING him to see his sister purge her room of once precious worldly goods. He was more than happy to offer his room as a new home to the now homeless items. Bless his heart.

Wow

So, in 2008 I was going to start a blog. I said I was technologically challenged, and I stand by that as it is now half way through 2010 and this is my second post and I still have no idea what I am doing. It isn't that I have had nothing to say for the last 2+ years, as anyone who knows me knows that I am seldom out of words. (And really, if you do not know me, what are you doing reading about my life...stalker.) I forgot where my blog was, how to access it and how to make time to post. I am trying again...maybe. Bear with me...or is it bare with me...I always wonder. Either way, I am trying. You do not know that because, well, I have not shared my blog with anyone. Why would I? There is nothing to read or look at yet. I hope one day, to be be able to post pictures here. We shall see what time has in store. Maybe Sarah can come and tutor me one day in all of her spare time. LOL!