Bad dreams and wonderful Grandmas

I hate bad dreams...and now that I typed that, I find it to be a rather stupid statement. Who really LIKES bad dreams? They are bad...it is in the name. I have a couple of recurring dreams that are always a little hard to shake when I wake up...last night I had one. I need to preface with a little bit of information that people newer to my life. I loved my grandparents with all of my soul. They were a MAJOR influence in my life...particularly my grandma. She was amazing. She was the only person I have ever known that truly had NO enemies. Everyone liked her. You could not not like her. She cooked and baked and bought 5 different boxes of sugared cereal that she kept in a cabinet we could reach and she never monitored our consumption. I seriously ate an entire box of Froot Loops one afternoon after school. She also had a gum drawer and fountain Coke. She was awesome...and not even for the afore mentioned reasons. She was love. It poured out of her and enveloped you completely. When she looked at me...she saw me...but only acknowledged the good parts. She saw the other stuff, but she chose not to dwell on it. She loved me for who I was and where I was, even when I was a moody teenager. She was wicked funny too. Until I had my children, I had never loved anyone the way that I loved Grandma. When I was 20 cancer took her from me. I was not sure I would survive it, but I did...for her. And when I was 30...cancer took Grandpa too. I hate cancer. It took my aunt a year before Grandpa and it has attacked my sisters. It sucks. But I digress. Okay, so, grandparents = love and their loss was huge...here comes the bad dream...I call it a bad dream and not a nightmare because I lived the nightmare already. In my dream Grandma gets sick and they take her away somewhere. I have no idea who "they" are. I also have no idea where they have taken her, but I cannot find her. They keep telling me she is back down the hall in the bed room, but she isn't there when I look for her. Then they tell me she died. But then I find out that she is not dead, just taken away where I cannot find her. And then Grandpa disappears too. In the dream I am searching for them. I am really not describing the dream adequately. I don't think I can, but when I wake up there are often tears in my eyes and I have trouble shaking the feeling. Now, it does not take an expert dream interpreter to uncover the intimate meanings of the dream...it is pretty clear. But it is SO vivid that when i woke in the night this time, I was not sure if my grandparents were dead or alive and I really hate that. My heart sank when I woke up enough to realize that they are still not here. The brain is weird.

One of my creepy coolest things involving Grandma and my kids...one day, when Kennedy was 2, she said, "Mommy, remember when I was in Heaven...before I came to be in your tummy...and your Grandma took care of me?" ...Uhh...jaw hits the floor...huh-uh...but I believe you. It was creepy, and comforting all at the same time. I like the idea that the soul of my child was nurtured and prepared for me with the help of the person who knew me best in the world. It would be a great job for her...sitter of the baby souls. Did I mention that she ROCKED? Cuz she did. You would have loved her too.