Overwhelmed

What do you do when you are too overwhelmed to move? I do not have time to be paralyzed by my feelings of overwhelmed. I am hoping by typing it out I can move to a place of...well...moving. My princess is sick. It has been a good run, but she is pretty sick. It makes me sad, especially since we are about to be ousted from our home for well over a week. She needs her own bed and her own room when she does not feel well...don't we all? And it isn't that we will just be out of the house, we will be roaming. Poor baby. Then there is the "go to the doctor, don't go to the doctor" dilemma. Sigh. The kennels are full and I have to drive my dogs 2 hours away. I have to clean my rat and her cage so I can take her to her "hotel" (THANK YOU, sweet friend! It takes a special kind of friend to house a rodent.) I have to pack the living room, kitchen and office and move the small furniture. I have to get everything done by Sunday and Kennedy has a party tomorrow I need to buy a gift for. I have a friend coming from out of state (YEA) with her 2 dogs tonight and it is too hot in my guest room to breathe and I am not sure how the dogs will all get along. I have no idea what the current plan and time frame is of the whole floor ordeal because I have scarcely gotten to speak to my husband this week. I have to get rungs. I cannot even get into the shower today! There is more, but this is not getting me anywhere. I feel like I am just whining now.

I cannot wait to see my new floor! I am especially excited about the extension of wood into the living room. the kids are mad, but I think it is going to look amazing. I hope it is worth all of the stress.

Floors!

It seems trivial given the events of yesterday, but my floors are coming. All next week we will be displaced then return to flooring perfection and an island where it belongs. Pictures will definitely be coming....finally!

A friend's loss

A friend lost her father today. And while I do not know the details...nor do I need to...I do know that she lost him in a manner similar to the loss of my own father in 1994. This is the second time in the last few years I have heard of a friend losing their father this way and my heart aches for my friend. It is so unfair. It is different for my friends. I did not have children when I lost my father. They have questions now about where he is, but it is not immediate and they never knew him and the questions are not deep and require no real answer. They are young and stuck in the now and happy with brief answers of minimal facts. This is not the case for my friends...so I do not really know their pain. Another difference is the relationship that my friends have had with their fathers...much different than my own. My heart is just breaking tonight. I feel helpless to help and can only pray. And even then, what? What do I pray? There is no understanding. I wish I could hold my friend tight and just let her cry out her pain. It is all I needed in her situation...the right people gave me too much space and the wrong people said all of the wrong things. I suppose my only option is to not be the wrong people saying the wrong things. I say little. There is little to be said. Words do not fix it. Words do not make the hurt and anger and confusion less...but silence is also very painful. I pray for wisdom for myself and her truly close friends. I pray that God holds her and her children and her mother and siblings close to Him. Only His peace can help. I offer my ears and my shoulders. It is what I have. Media apparently surrounds the situation...I pray that someone shuts them up and the others who feel their right to speak their ignorance over situations they know nothing about. I know nothing other than my friend is hurting. If you are reading this...please pray for my friend and her family. Thank you. It means a lot to me.

Blogger ate my happy post

MAN! Yesterday I had a rather extensive happy post and Blogger ate it. :( I will try again.

My son is HAPPY! I know that he is happy, but more than that...HE knows he is happy. This may sound like a no big deal, that's how kids are statement...but that is not how things roll over here. He tends to wired more to the negative. We are working on it...and apparently, it is working! 2 nights ago when we were doing his three good things before bed he said 3 little words that filled my heart to overflowing...words sweeter than, "Love you, Mommy." My son said, "I am happy." Clouds parted, light streamed through and the angels sang. "I am happy."

Yesterday he got to be happy all day too. His very best friend in all the world came over. I love this kid and his mom is a hoot. This kid is good for my kid and very evenly yolked for my son. They are both sensitive kids but all boy and rough and tumble. When M showed up to play, the 2 boys were even dressed nearly identical. It was funny. They immediately tackled each other...but gently. There was craziness abounding...running, yelling, throwing, laughing, wrestling, laughing some more. They were NUTS and it was awesome. My kids do not act crazy enough. Kids are supposed to be a bit nutty and mine tend to be too aware of rules and seriousness. I am not complaining, mind you, but I would actually like to see them get into a little mild trouble. I want them to feel freer and be kids. The boy is around girls too much, so it was nice to see him get to play with another boy his age. Boys are still a bit foreign to me and I struggle with letting them play in a boy way and not twitching. I did pretty well yesterday...and the house survived. It was too hot to send them outside, so I had to ease up on the "don't throw stuff in the house" rule. Boys need to throw things...and it was a Nerf football, after all...it needed to be thrown. The rule is only in place because the boy is REALLY good at throwing things...far and hard. Outside...awesome. Inside...a little scary. Anyway, it was a great play date and since the other mom is about to have boy #3 at the end of the week...she likely enjoyed a little break. I am sad that they are moving to another town soon. It will be very difficult for my son. We will likely sit together and cry because his pain will be very real and I will feel it too. I am hoping that when school starts he will make more friends, but it won't be the same. I would love to see these 2 grow up together and I would love to get to know his mom better. She is a good mom and they eat better than we do. I could learn some things. :) Anyway, we will survive and life will go on...and for today...MY SON IS HAPPY!!

There it is...my kitchen in its current condition. YIKES! I cannot wait to post after pictures. I am particularly annoyed by the current location of the fridge and island...as well as the uneven boards you cannot see or appreciate in these particular shots. But...the red is lovely. It is happy. I love it. It keeps me going.

Darn you, Blogger

It will not recognize my recent pictures, thus I cannot show you the current state of my kitchen. I know that you currently weep with sorrow and are overwhelmed with anticipation. I will keep checking back to see if it sees them. Try to contain yourselves until then. ;P

My kitchen, in its day

And here is the kitchen about a year ago...ah, I had forgotten its happiness. Yeah...I am still going to post a picture of now...I just have to get the counter tops cleaned off first. No sense in embarrassing myself...right? Anyway...say good bye to that carpet you see. It is OUT OF HERE! I am HAPPY! I believe that it will be glorious when it is all done. Yeah...come over when it is finished...but take off your shoes. We are likely to baby this floor for a while. :)

My kitchen, before it was my kitchen

This is my kitchen before we moved in...look at the completeness of the floor and how the island is in the center of the floor...as it should be. Ah...those were the days. Well...the walls are better now. They are red and lovely and I frequently sit with my back to the TV and just take in the small area of our house that has color. I LOVE color. It makes me happy, happy! I shall now get out my camera and take a picture of what my kitchen looks like today...you will notice a difference...there are appliances now, although, the refrigerator cubby will be just as empty. The big difference...in this picture we did not own a refrigerator...now we do.

Drumroll please...

I could have a new floor by the end of THIS month. No, really. AND we ARE extending the wood through the living room and getting rid of this NASTY carpet. I am giddy. I am quite certain that by my old age I will have arthritis in every toe and I will forever blame this floor fiasco. I cannot tell you how many times I have nearly ripped off a toe on the uneven boards where I stand to cook and do dishes. Yes, stop laughing, I do cook and do dishes...when I have to. You may have forgotten when all of this started. It was late FEBRUARY! It is now mid-JULY! That is a long time...to me. I long to be able to walk across the floor without fear. I even long to sweep and mop. Yeah...it has made me crazy. The love the idea of feeling like the floor is clean and to have it feel clean without getting on my hands and knees to vacuum around all of the uneven boards and then scrub the concrete with a scrub brush or rags on my hands and knees because it eats mops. My heart is a flutter at the thought. It is, after all, the little things. :) I am also excited about the fridge being in the fridge hole and the bar being in its rightful spot and the kitchen table going back to where it belongs. Oooh...my adrenalin is pumping now! I LOVE the idea of being able to be happy in my house again. This has really affected me mentally. Now, there was good from it...my kitchen is now a beautiful red instead of blah and I am getting new flooring in my living room...and it happened at a time when the kids are big enough that I am not nervous about having wood in the main living area. This is good. Maybe the lack of carpet will even make them want to play upstairs more. Okay...now I am just getting crazy. That was a reach. LOL! Anyway, the prospect of progress has renewed me. I am off to clean the house and begin moving the smaller items to the upstairs. Oh, another great thing...we will get the air ducts cleaned when it is all over...we have to. The dust will be horrific. We have lived here 5 and a half years...it is time anyway. I am anxious to see what happens with the kids and my allergies with the carpet gone and the ducts clean. Should be good. Oooh...AND, it is summer now...we do not have to be cooped up in a hotel room all together. The kids and I can be nomads and cruise from family member to family member and have fun with the time out of the house. First stop...Norman to see my sister and nephews. From there, likely Muskogee and 2 days of water park fun. Maybe we will go hang out at our lake house for a while...anyone want to play? :) Maybe we will even make it to Dallas to see the other sisters and nieces and nephew. The possibilities are endless. Likely we will spend at least one night in the hotel with daddy and swim in their pool, but only because the kids think that is the coolest thing EVER, but I am sure the excitement will fade quickly when there is nothing to do in the room. Anyway, I plan to stay gone longer than necessary to give the floor extra time to dry and any fumes to dissipate...and it is fun to travel during the summer. :)

Be careful, my friends. It is ghastly hot out there...107 yesterday and the forecast for this week is nasty!

Thanks to the new yard guys

So, yesterday my husband hired the neighbor's yard guys to care for our lawn. They said that they would come out today...Saturday...then we would be on a Friday schedule. They started weed eating at SEVEN AM! No, I am not kidding and I hope the neighbors...especially the ones next door with the teenage kids, do not hurt us. My in-laws are here and I thought I was sleeping in today. Luckily A) I NEED to start getting up earlier. I have gotten really, really lazy and 2) I was actually already awake due to several other factors. Maybe, secretly, I don't really care that much about the teenagers. The other neighbors may get muffins of apology. But, on a positive note...my yard is about to look stellar! They neighbors will likely be pleased about that.

Weirdness this morning when I got up...the girl was up and playing her DSiXL...shocking...not...the boy IS STILL ASLEEP at 7:30am with all of the yard work going on. CRAZY! He is my early riser and is usually up between 6-7. How many of you do this?...even when your kid is nearly 5....I may have to go make sure he is breathing and safe. I am a neurotic loon. I just am. I was before I had kids and I got worse when I had them. If you are a neurotic loon single, having something or someone to worry about does NOT make you better. I'm just saying.

Well, I am off to bathe before 8am for the first time in weeks. I get to go to Duffy's for breakfast because my in-laws are here. They are amazing people too. I need to tell their story too. Happy Saturday friends. May you still be sleeping.

Heavy heart

I am trying to be productive today. Words this morning from my spouse indicated that he is expecting some productivity today. We have a few issues come summer time when he is working and he perceives my work to be all play. It is a common issue between working men and stay at home women. I don't let it get to me anymore. I am struggling to get moving and get things done. Part of it is due to the 2 nights of Wii Fit I have done and my inability to move my arms...or legs for that matter, but most of it is due to the fact that my heart feels like it weighs 40 pounds inside my chest. I have been catching up on the outside world today and it seems that while my head was in the sand at the lake, I missed out of a lot of misery by other. Well...I did not actually MISS it, but it was happening. One particular story has me beside myself. One of those "it could have happened to me" stories. My heart aches for this precious, faithful family and the pain they are experiencing. My heart is also so very touched by their amazing faith. Here, in their greatest trial, they are looking for God's purpose and are open to it's teaching. I am in awe and inspired by them. It has me wondering, would my knees hurt less if I were on them more? I need to step up my Bible time, my prayer time, my teaching God's story of love to my children...don't we all? Today I will pray for my friends and I will hug my children tightly knowing, despite one's "unique issues" that try me from time to time, I am blessed beyond measure by these intelligent, healthy, mostly happy children that doctors thought would never be and at times I feared they would not be as well. God is so good and so big and so mysterious, but He loves us fully and completely and He never promised we would not experience pain, in the words of Nichole Nordeman..."the promise was when everything failed...we'd be held."

Conflicting goals

I have a very, very mild problem. 2 of my goals are in complete conflict with one another. One goal is to be on the computer less, while the other is to blog more. Hmmm....this is a puzzler. I have so many stories I have not told...not that any one cares...but I have seen a lot of stories go with an older generation. And I am talking about REALLY good stories. My family, my grandparents generation in particular, had GREAT stories. They were an adventurous people. I want the stories of my kids to not be lost. I want to tell stories of those who are gone already...the ones who shaped my life. I have written about Grandma, but there are so many more. My aunt was amazing and I had a father and another grandmother and a grandpa and I want to tell their stories...at least from my perspective. There are people still living that have influenced me greatly as well...and they probably do not even know how much. One example...my mother's cousin - AMAZING human being. I have such fond memories of the man who bought us new sheets as kids and raced the alarm at the toll gate on the way to Tulsa just to give me and my sister a thrill. When I FINALLY met someone to marry, he and his wife threw me the most amazing shower and then made sure that the reception location was decorated when I had run out of funds. He is always there for his kids, for his extended family, for his friends, for my mom. He is incredible. What if I were hit by a bus tomorrow? All of my stories would be gone and my kids would have less memories to share with their kids of when they were young. My spouse is good, but let's face it...A) I am the one home all day and 2) He is a man and they do not hold on to the precious little details like we do. Anyway, I think I can work on both goals. I will be on the computer less for social networking and blog a little more...I hope...no I can...maybe...I will...we will see.