Beyond Grateful

Nothing like your child's health scaring the ever loving bejeezes out of you to pull you right out of yourself. The boy has been stuffy and coughing for a while now. EVERY time I take him to the doctor suspecting a respiratory ailment or sinus infection, she looks him over and tells me he looks good and may have a virus. This time I knew he had been around illness and no one who had been ill had required antibiotics so I decided to wait it out. This week I began to wonder if he had a sinus infection and possibly a touch of pneumonia. I have been battling myself mentally about whether to take him to the doctor or not and was revisiting the argument since it is now Friday and weekends do not tend to make sick kiddos better. During the mental tennis match it was time to take the girl to school. We were in the drop off line when the boy coughed again. They he said, "Mommy, what's this?" I was driving and said that I did not know and asked him to tell me more when the girl indicated that I did, indeed, need to turn around and look. It took me a moment to take in what I saw. There in my sweet, 4 year old's hand was a blood clot...a LARGE blood clot. It covered his entire palm. Well, I don't know if you have ever seen such a thing, but it will stop your heart and increase your adrenalin at the same time. I got out of my car, not paying attention to the car rider line nor caring that other people needed to drop off their kids and had no idea why I was delaying them. I grabbed a napkin and scooped the clot out of his hand while speaking all sickeningly sweetly to keep both kids calm while inside I was screaming in fear. Clearly the "should I take him to the doctor today?" question had been definitively answered. I lied through my teeth to keep the kids calm and told them it was really just a little blood, it was just in a bunch of snot making it look like a lot of blood. They bought it...I didn't. I immediately dialed the pediatrician, not caring one iota that I was on my cell phone in a school zone...and really, I am really careful about that one. I got the girl unloaded and off the boy and I went. The doctor's office was calm and this helped. I called the daddy and let him know what was up. I stayed calm externally, but I could not stop my hands from shaking uncontrollably. I paid our co-pay and sent the boy into the waiting room to watch the TV and then it happened...I lost control of the fear...just for a minute, but with witnesses. As I pulled myself back together I turned to see the daddy getting off of the elevator. His concern for our son so great that he had left a meeting to be with us. He is good that way. There was a lot of waiting but finally Dr. AS arrived and checked out our sweet boy. I whipped out the napkin and showed her the clot...she said, "WOW...that is impressive." I was validated. She checked his nose and immediately put our fears to rest when she assured us that the blood had come from a blown vessel in his nose and not from his lungs...WHEW! He has a raging sinus infection and the beginnings of a little pneumonia in his left lung, but he is okay. THANK YOU, GOD! It was a short time of a long morning. I have a new perspective for today. Screw the house work...the boy and I are going to watch crappy Mario Brothers' cartoons and snuggle...that is what we are supposed to do today. I have no idea what I would have done if it had been something serious. This boy holds a large chunk of my heart in his little paw. He lights up my life and frustrates me at the same time, but his blue eyes and sweet hugs and kisses keep me going some days. I am beyond grateful that God was holding us all and that He gave me a definite sign before the boy got really sick. I would appreciate a little more gentle sign in the future...but at least this one was crystal clear...it said, "YO...TAKE THE BOY TO THE DOCTOR NOW!" Sometimes it takes directness with me. In retrospect...because I am a little gross...I should have taken a picture of that bad boy...but trust me and Dr. AS...it was impressive.