My boy

I am so happy and full and blessed...and weepy. My baby boy turns 5 in 2 days. How has it been 5 years already? My baby is big...he will get loose teeth soon. I am not ready for this. I want to go back and take more pictures and snuggle more and read more books and worry about the house less. I want to hold on to more moments and be exhausted less. I want to be more patient and yet more firm all at the same time. I want to screw up less and mellow more. I LOVE my kiddos...there are not words to describe it. I think that they are AMAZING and I am in awe of the fact that they are mine. I am blessed far beyond words. I cannot take in the love...it is too big. They are a life long dream living before me and they are better than I could imagine. Oh, don't get me wrong...they are also a pain in the butt and a lot of work...but the love...that is something I could not have imagined. When I look into they eyes of my babies...my soul melts. I see God's love in a whole different way. He loves me SO much...that he sent these little monkeys to call me "Mommy"...how cool is that? He loves me SO, SO much that He sent His OWN monkey and allowed him to be crucified on a cross for me...Whew...THAT is a lot to take in. I look at my own son and think of the love I have for him and I think of Mary and of God. God sent HIS son...to DIE...for ME. WOW! And Mary...she carried this baby and gave birth in a pile of hay and raised and loved him KNOWING that he would die. That is a lot of pressure! I cannot imagine. My own wee boy said to me tonight, "What if I died on my birthday, Mommy?" I said, "That would be weird." trying to move on to another topic. He said, "It would be sad, Mommy." I agreed. It freaks me out when he talks that way. Too many stories involving children start that way. It makes me worry when his mind goes there. Small kids should not worry about that...but...I did, so I guess he is doomed. I should have laid with him when he asked. I was afraid I would fall asleep. If he asks again tomorrow...I am doing it. He is FIVE already...one day he will want me to keep my distance...I should hang out as closely as possible when and while I can. I love him...he is awesome.