Wow...over a year since last I posted! Crazy. SO much change has occurred! The girl is 8 and a half and the half is very important. The boy is 6 and has lost 4 teeth, which have already grown in. The beagle is nearing 14 and the day after the boy's 6th birthday, we lost Mutt Man. It still brings me to tears as he was my sweetest dog ever. We also acquired Big Puppy, who is 6 months old today. :) He is pretty grand. I have much to say, but this is the last week day of Christmas break and I need to hang with my kids. :)

Oooh....double post day

The rare double post day! Aren't I chatty?! Life is good. Even when we forget briefly, it is good. Think about it for a while. I think you will agree that we have it pretty good. Yesterday was GREAT! It was a regular day really, but that is good too. My son was happy to go to school, my daughter was happy to go to school, my husband is getting better, I got a 20 minute nap...good day. Then it went to great...I was making the stew my husband had requested last week...this was good in itself because A) stew = thoughts of Grandma = happy warmth in my soul and 2) when I make stew, I do not have to cook for 3 more days = woo hoo! I digress...I do that...so, I am making the stew, the windows are open, my music is blaring and the spousal unit calls his daily afternoon call and says, "What are your plans for tonight?" "Well, I am making stew and the girl has a little homework and I assume that you will be watching the Cowboys on Monday Night Football, so I have no real plans...why?" Then the sun shone a little brighter, the angels began to sing a beautiful chorus and birds crashed into my window trying to light on my arms as that beautiful man said, " I was thinking we could pick up Sonic in the Jeep and take the kids to the park and enjoy the weather. I had a bad day and I do not want to come home and just sit." Well...because I am old enough to know that Sonic is a Drive In and not a blue hedge hog type game creature...I was in! Everyone knows that stew is tastier on day 2 anyway and this means I may not have to cook again until some time next week. WIN! It was the perfect evening for a Jeep ride and evening in the park. We ate at the picnic tables and the kids played on the playground equipment and we threw the football...it was very Norman Rockwell. On the Jeep ride back home the boy wished aloud that we could feed the neighborhood ducks for "just a minute" as they were out and, to him, looked very hungry. :) I agreed...with limits...knowing they would be blown out of the water. They kids and I grabbed the bread and headed through the neighbor's gate. The ducks flocked on over and gobbled up every scrap of bread and delighted the children. Neighbors were eating on their back porch...so of course we crashed their meal and said hello. The kids played with the dogs...I drank a little wine and we ran away. It was fun. Back home for a little Dallas Cowboy football and couch cuddles was the perfect end to the day. I put the kiddos to bed and tidied up the kitchen and turned in early myself., tired and content. These are the days to remember and cling to. This is living at its finest. Today is looking pretty good too. We were going to have an "at home day" but have been invited to feed ducks at the park with new friends...jumped on that opportunity. We will be iced in soon enough. These pretty days are numbered...the house will wait...it has been waiting for years already. One more day won't kill anyone. Enjoy your day, people!

Hormones and Blogs

Hormones and blogging...there should be a law against mixing the two. It is like drinking and texting or drinking and Facebooking...it just should not be done. Maybe I will start a support group..."Hi, I am ______ and I blog while hormonal." "Hi, ______." It will be the next big thing...I can feel it. On second thought...no one really needs to corral a bunch of hormone junkies into a small room and fuel them with coffee. For now, I will just work on my own problem. :) Bear with me...it is a process.

Special kids

The world is hard for all of us. It is even more difficult for some. It was hard for a long time for me...and still is at times and concerning certain things. This is life. It is hard to know that I cannot always fix everything for my babies. It was very, very evident this week during an event that really deserves its own post and I hope to post about it soon. I am too tired to go there tonight and honestly...with a whopping 7 followers...you are aware of the monkey fiasco. I will be laughing about it soon...but I am not there yet.

My kids are not "special needs"kids...but they are special kids with needs. I do have to do things that are a little out of the norm to be sure that they are okay. I do get looks and comments from people that do not know us well. I AM preparing my children for the real world...I just have to ease them into certain parts of it a little more gently. I do not expect the world to do this for them...but I am doing all that I can to be sure they can do it for themselves WHEN THEY ARE NOT SMALL CHILDREN. We ALL do the best we can with what we have, what we know and what we feel. To the casual observer I seem over the top in my involvement with my kids...so. They are children...aren't I SUPPOSED to be involved? Is it bad that I LIKE being with them? Is it bad that I do not want to dump them on others for as many hours as possible? Yes, I need to get away some days for short periods. I am human, but is it wrong that I miss them and want them at home? Couldn't it be that society is wrong? They are tender and sensitive and young. Why are others so eager for me to make them tiny, jaded adults? Why can't they be kids while they are kids?! I dress them like children because they are children...though this is getting really difficult to do. I am appalled by the choices available for my 7 and 5 year olds! I am preaching to the choir here, I am sure, as the few people reading this are like minded people who believe in meeting the needs of their children, what ever those needs may be...but it gets hard sometimes. I look crazy to strangers. I AM crazy, but not for the reasons they think. My kids are great. They are funny and smart and so, so giving that I worry about them at times. :) They are special and they have needs...and I will keep doing all that I can to meet them...I am their mommy and I like it. I will cushion the blows that I can and pick up the pieces when I cannot. I will shield them from the ugliness in the world while arming them against it. I will know their teachers and, for better or worse, they will know me. And when a sensory issue arises and they over react...I will be there to calm them. It is my job and I do not take it lightly. I will fail and I will make mistakes and I will be human...and if you get in my way, I will bite your head off...but I will love them the best way that I know how and I will try my hardest to do what is in their best interest until my last dying breath. I am Mommy...it is all I can be.

Bppppppth

My husband is sick...and that is all I will say about it because he hates when I talk about "his business," especially on the internet. But it isn't pretty.

I am not adjusting well to our new schedule. I am exhausted beyond explanation and I want so badly to sleep in my own bed...but see paragraph 1.

On a good note...the weather today is BEAUTIFUL! LOVE it! And I held a baby and I had crab legs at lunch. Yea today!

Meals

I think I am a pretty good wife and mom. I have my weaknesses...we all do. I am even pretty sure that I know what most of them are, I just have not figured out how to fix them all...we never do. It is life...we strive to grow and do the best we can. I am not beating myself up about it...just acknowledging that these weaknesses are there. One of my big weak areas...meal planning and execution. HATE it...did I mention I hate it?! I feel totally inadequate when it comes to meal planning. We are trying to eat healthy, well balanced meals but this has never been my strong suit...EVER. It is overwhelming to me. There are too many options and the slate is too blank. I feel particularly delinquent when it comes to breakfast and lunches for my kids. I don't eat breakfast and do not thrive in the early hours of the day. One of my kids eats a HUGE breakfast and the other is more like me and does not need much until lunch. I need to figure out better breakfast options for the girl. That kid can put away some breakfast and thus, the options need to be healthy and filling. She does not eat much lunch, so I am not entirely worried about her consumption, but she tends to be built more like her daddy and she is a girl...and she is MY girl, so I worry about her developing issues related to food and body image...and it won't help that the boy favors my side of the family and can eat anything he wants and never gain a pound...he is actually frustrated that he cannot make the scale go up. So funny. Anyhoo...I need someone to just come in and say, "Make this, this and this," and leave me recipes and grocery lists. Yeah...it is a total fantasy...but I can dream, can't I? Okay...the boy and I are off to the store to buy some random groceries that I don't know how to turn into a decent meal. Wish us luck!

The birth of the boy...who is now FIVE!

Then...and now. The boy is five today. The boy is FIVE today. How did this happen?! He is tall and thin and athletic and funny and sweet and a toot all at the same time. He loves cheese and sugar and his sister, believe it or not. He loves his family and he loves his God...most...more than his family and will tell you that a lot. I think he likes the orneriness of telling me he does not love me the most. I don't mind. I hope he always loves God more than me. He is supposed to. :) He loves sports...ALL sports, but he only wants to play baseball and soccer. He is thinking about trying football, but is afraid he might get hurt. I think he will get over that. Football is very big around here. He is so lanky though...not the football build. He could be a quarterback, or a receiver, or a kicker...that would be safer. :) He thought about hockey, but he is afraid he might get his teeth knocked out. That is okay...we live in the middle of Oklahoma where it has not been uncommon lately for the temperatures to reach 107 degrees...not a lot of frozen ponds about. :) Currently he only wants to play sports for fun. He refuses to play on a team where they keep score. It stresses him out. He is so afraid of losing. I have no idea where it came from, but he truly freaks out. It is sad and we are working on it because...well...sports are competitive...life is competitive.

Five years ago today, I was married to a great guy and was the mother of a smart, funny little 2 year old girl and we owned 2 houses. On this day, we sold our old house on the way to the hospital to have our son. It was CRAZY! We pre-signed papers and went off to the hospital. The girl went to Nanny Boo's to spend time with her cousins and was away from me for 4 days...the longest she had ever been away from me in her life. Ultrasound confirmed that the boy was still breech and the c-section would go as scheduled. I was a wreck and so scared of the surgery and anxious to meet my son and scared that I was forever altering the life of my daughter. In short...I was crazy. The morning is a blur. They took me in and gave me the spinal block and draped me and brought my husband in. He held my hand and talked to me the whole time...I was his concern...he is cool like that. I had THE most AMAZING anesthesiologist! He calmed my fears when I would panic and he told me everything that was happening behind the drape. I was mad that I was not allowed to watch...good call by my doctor. When they finally pulled my son from my body, (and the cord was NOT around his neck...there was NO reason for the little toot to be breach!) he was silent. This was a deafening silence filled with fear. The anesthesiologist was calm and told me, "I can see him. He is pink and he is moving and he looks good. Give him a minute and let them suction him." Sure enough, I soon heard his sweet cry. They brought him over and let me kiss his head and take a quick picture(the one you see above this post) and then they whisked him away. I made his daddy leave me and go with our son. He was 7 pounds, 2 ounces of pure baby perfection. He looked exactly as he does now only smaller and with less hair...it is almost weird. We had not settled on a name yet. I only saw him for a moment, but I knew him the minute I saw him. His name was obvious. I went to recovery and 15-20 minutes later my husband came to check on me. He said, in his cocky way, "I know who he is." "Oh yeah, smart guy...who is he? I just told the nurse who he is." He said our baby's name. My jaw hit the floor. That is EXACTLY who he is and we both knew it without ever talking to each other about it...creepy! I could not wait to be reunited with my sweet baby and explore every inch of his perfect baby self. I wanted to smell him and touch his sweet, soft baby skin and rub his precious little fuzz covered head. The whole day, and the 3 that followed are both hazy and clear all at the same time...Morphine itch and all.

Today, I am still married to the same great man...who is even greater, if that is possible...and I am the mother of a smart 7 year old girl and a funny 5 year old boy, still living in the same house we first brought him home to. We still have our 2 great but aging dogs and a couple of years ago we added a pet rat to the mix. I am enjoying this journey through life getting to know these great little people who call me "Mommy" and watching them become more every day. It is not all sunshine and roses, but the good does far outweigh the bad and there are more good days and happy moments than not. I am far more blessed than I deserve. Sometimes I feel like I am dreaming. If I am...don't wake me up.

My boy

I am so happy and full and blessed...and weepy. My baby boy turns 5 in 2 days. How has it been 5 years already? My baby is big...he will get loose teeth soon. I am not ready for this. I want to go back and take more pictures and snuggle more and read more books and worry about the house less. I want to hold on to more moments and be exhausted less. I want to be more patient and yet more firm all at the same time. I want to screw up less and mellow more. I LOVE my kiddos...there are not words to describe it. I think that they are AMAZING and I am in awe of the fact that they are mine. I am blessed far beyond words. I cannot take in the love...it is too big. They are a life long dream living before me and they are better than I could imagine. Oh, don't get me wrong...they are also a pain in the butt and a lot of work...but the love...that is something I could not have imagined. When I look into they eyes of my babies...my soul melts. I see God's love in a whole different way. He loves me SO much...that he sent these little monkeys to call me "Mommy"...how cool is that? He loves me SO, SO much that He sent His OWN monkey and allowed him to be crucified on a cross for me...Whew...THAT is a lot to take in. I look at my own son and think of the love I have for him and I think of Mary and of God. God sent HIS son...to DIE...for ME. WOW! And Mary...she carried this baby and gave birth in a pile of hay and raised and loved him KNOWING that he would die. That is a lot of pressure! I cannot imagine. My own wee boy said to me tonight, "What if I died on my birthday, Mommy?" I said, "That would be weird." trying to move on to another topic. He said, "It would be sad, Mommy." I agreed. It freaks me out when he talks that way. Too many stories involving children start that way. It makes me worry when his mind goes there. Small kids should not worry about that...but...I did, so I guess he is doomed. I should have laid with him when he asked. I was afraid I would fall asleep. If he asks again tomorrow...I am doing it. He is FIVE already...one day he will want me to keep my distance...I should hang out as closely as possible when and while I can. I love him...he is awesome.

I am hoping I come up with a post title by the end of this post. I have been very busy with new floor installation, rug shopping for new floors, vacation preparation, vacation, back to school and birthday planning. During all of this busy I lost a friend and nearly another. These lovely ladies were classmates of mine growing up. We are not really close these days...you know how it goes...you move away, get a family, get caught up in the now of your life...but I do consider them friends. I wish I had done more to make them know this. While on vacation recently, in a place I consider Heaven on Earth, I logged onto Facebook...just for a minute. There was a post that made my hair stand on end. A vivacious woman with so much love in her heart and a smile that could light up an entire state was gone. Further reading broke my heart even more...she was gone by her own hand. I still cannot digest it. It cannot be real. She would never do this...but she did. So loved with so many there for her, yet she could not reach out when things were the darkest. I cannot shake the sad this has left in my heart.

Last night there was a post by another former classmate...a strong, strong woman who takes no guff from the world. She cracks me up. It said, simply, "Just want to die". It stopped my heart. Post after supportive post by friends and former classmates went unanswered. Prayer chains were started and there was much anxiety. Thankfully there was a post this morning stating that the local police had gone to the home to check on her and she is alive. I pray that she gets the help she needs to over come the darkness.

I am not super close to these great ladies, thus, I never saw this coming. Turns out, that no one saw it coming. It is scary and sad and emphasizes the fact that we never really know what anyone is going through behind closed doors. We do not typically share these dark places with others and yet, I KNOW that we all have people who would drop everything and be there for us if we did open up. We all have dark places. If only we could feel freer to share them so that others would not feel so isolated in their darkest times. It reminds me of the early days of motherhood. NO ONE talks bout the despair and overwhelmed feelings that can hit in those early days. It makes you feel alone and like a horrible mother and it isn't until MUCH later that you find out that it is so normal and okay. I wish that we could all open up more and hide less, accept more and judge less. I include myself in this.

Should this day find you reading my blog, please pray for the family and friends of Kristi Beavers-Mays...particularly her children. She was a light in a dark world and I am sad that she felt so alone. Please also pray for Tammi. I have NO idea what she is going through right now, I just know that it is dark and overwhelming and I pray that she does not let it overtake her.

Life is made up of moments. Should you find yourself in a dark place, remember that it is a moment...it will pass...hold on tight and give it a chance. REACH OUT and call someone to help you hold on through it. God did not mean for us to be alone in the world. If He had...He would have stopped with Adam.

I am the world's worst at keeping up with people, but I am here. I will make time for any one who needs it, I am just dense and have to have things spelled out for me. LOL!

Love each other and be kind, with them and with yourself. We are all human and thus flawed. Cut yourself some slack and let others be there for you...they want to...they love you. Hug someone, pray for someone, let someone know you care. Have a great Wednesday! Love you!

Overwhelmed

What do you do when you are too overwhelmed to move? I do not have time to be paralyzed by my feelings of overwhelmed. I am hoping by typing it out I can move to a place of...well...moving. My princess is sick. It has been a good run, but she is pretty sick. It makes me sad, especially since we are about to be ousted from our home for well over a week. She needs her own bed and her own room when she does not feel well...don't we all? And it isn't that we will just be out of the house, we will be roaming. Poor baby. Then there is the "go to the doctor, don't go to the doctor" dilemma. Sigh. The kennels are full and I have to drive my dogs 2 hours away. I have to clean my rat and her cage so I can take her to her "hotel" (THANK YOU, sweet friend! It takes a special kind of friend to house a rodent.) I have to pack the living room, kitchen and office and move the small furniture. I have to get everything done by Sunday and Kennedy has a party tomorrow I need to buy a gift for. I have a friend coming from out of state (YEA) with her 2 dogs tonight and it is too hot in my guest room to breathe and I am not sure how the dogs will all get along. I have no idea what the current plan and time frame is of the whole floor ordeal because I have scarcely gotten to speak to my husband this week. I have to get rungs. I cannot even get into the shower today! There is more, but this is not getting me anywhere. I feel like I am just whining now.

I cannot wait to see my new floor! I am especially excited about the extension of wood into the living room. the kids are mad, but I think it is going to look amazing. I hope it is worth all of the stress.

Floors!

It seems trivial given the events of yesterday, but my floors are coming. All next week we will be displaced then return to flooring perfection and an island where it belongs. Pictures will definitely be coming....finally!

A friend's loss

A friend lost her father today. And while I do not know the details...nor do I need to...I do know that she lost him in a manner similar to the loss of my own father in 1994. This is the second time in the last few years I have heard of a friend losing their father this way and my heart aches for my friend. It is so unfair. It is different for my friends. I did not have children when I lost my father. They have questions now about where he is, but it is not immediate and they never knew him and the questions are not deep and require no real answer. They are young and stuck in the now and happy with brief answers of minimal facts. This is not the case for my friends...so I do not really know their pain. Another difference is the relationship that my friends have had with their fathers...much different than my own. My heart is just breaking tonight. I feel helpless to help and can only pray. And even then, what? What do I pray? There is no understanding. I wish I could hold my friend tight and just let her cry out her pain. It is all I needed in her situation...the right people gave me too much space and the wrong people said all of the wrong things. I suppose my only option is to not be the wrong people saying the wrong things. I say little. There is little to be said. Words do not fix it. Words do not make the hurt and anger and confusion less...but silence is also very painful. I pray for wisdom for myself and her truly close friends. I pray that God holds her and her children and her mother and siblings close to Him. Only His peace can help. I offer my ears and my shoulders. It is what I have. Media apparently surrounds the situation...I pray that someone shuts them up and the others who feel their right to speak their ignorance over situations they know nothing about. I know nothing other than my friend is hurting. If you are reading this...please pray for my friend and her family. Thank you. It means a lot to me.

Blogger ate my happy post

MAN! Yesterday I had a rather extensive happy post and Blogger ate it. :( I will try again.

My son is HAPPY! I know that he is happy, but more than that...HE knows he is happy. This may sound like a no big deal, that's how kids are statement...but that is not how things roll over here. He tends to wired more to the negative. We are working on it...and apparently, it is working! 2 nights ago when we were doing his three good things before bed he said 3 little words that filled my heart to overflowing...words sweeter than, "Love you, Mommy." My son said, "I am happy." Clouds parted, light streamed through and the angels sang. "I am happy."

Yesterday he got to be happy all day too. His very best friend in all the world came over. I love this kid and his mom is a hoot. This kid is good for my kid and very evenly yolked for my son. They are both sensitive kids but all boy and rough and tumble. When M showed up to play, the 2 boys were even dressed nearly identical. It was funny. They immediately tackled each other...but gently. There was craziness abounding...running, yelling, throwing, laughing, wrestling, laughing some more. They were NUTS and it was awesome. My kids do not act crazy enough. Kids are supposed to be a bit nutty and mine tend to be too aware of rules and seriousness. I am not complaining, mind you, but I would actually like to see them get into a little mild trouble. I want them to feel freer and be kids. The boy is around girls too much, so it was nice to see him get to play with another boy his age. Boys are still a bit foreign to me and I struggle with letting them play in a boy way and not twitching. I did pretty well yesterday...and the house survived. It was too hot to send them outside, so I had to ease up on the "don't throw stuff in the house" rule. Boys need to throw things...and it was a Nerf football, after all...it needed to be thrown. The rule is only in place because the boy is REALLY good at throwing things...far and hard. Outside...awesome. Inside...a little scary. Anyway, it was a great play date and since the other mom is about to have boy #3 at the end of the week...she likely enjoyed a little break. I am sad that they are moving to another town soon. It will be very difficult for my son. We will likely sit together and cry because his pain will be very real and I will feel it too. I am hoping that when school starts he will make more friends, but it won't be the same. I would love to see these 2 grow up together and I would love to get to know his mom better. She is a good mom and they eat better than we do. I could learn some things. :) Anyway, we will survive and life will go on...and for today...MY SON IS HAPPY!!

There it is...my kitchen in its current condition. YIKES! I cannot wait to post after pictures. I am particularly annoyed by the current location of the fridge and island...as well as the uneven boards you cannot see or appreciate in these particular shots. But...the red is lovely. It is happy. I love it. It keeps me going.

Darn you, Blogger

It will not recognize my recent pictures, thus I cannot show you the current state of my kitchen. I know that you currently weep with sorrow and are overwhelmed with anticipation. I will keep checking back to see if it sees them. Try to contain yourselves until then. ;P

My kitchen, in its day

And here is the kitchen about a year ago...ah, I had forgotten its happiness. Yeah...I am still going to post a picture of now...I just have to get the counter tops cleaned off first. No sense in embarrassing myself...right? Anyway...say good bye to that carpet you see. It is OUT OF HERE! I am HAPPY! I believe that it will be glorious when it is all done. Yeah...come over when it is finished...but take off your shoes. We are likely to baby this floor for a while. :)

My kitchen, before it was my kitchen

This is my kitchen before we moved in...look at the completeness of the floor and how the island is in the center of the floor...as it should be. Ah...those were the days. Well...the walls are better now. They are red and lovely and I frequently sit with my back to the TV and just take in the small area of our house that has color. I LOVE color. It makes me happy, happy! I shall now get out my camera and take a picture of what my kitchen looks like today...you will notice a difference...there are appliances now, although, the refrigerator cubby will be just as empty. The big difference...in this picture we did not own a refrigerator...now we do.

Drumroll please...

I could have a new floor by the end of THIS month. No, really. AND we ARE extending the wood through the living room and getting rid of this NASTY carpet. I am giddy. I am quite certain that by my old age I will have arthritis in every toe and I will forever blame this floor fiasco. I cannot tell you how many times I have nearly ripped off a toe on the uneven boards where I stand to cook and do dishes. Yes, stop laughing, I do cook and do dishes...when I have to. You may have forgotten when all of this started. It was late FEBRUARY! It is now mid-JULY! That is a long time...to me. I long to be able to walk across the floor without fear. I even long to sweep and mop. Yeah...it has made me crazy. The love the idea of feeling like the floor is clean and to have it feel clean without getting on my hands and knees to vacuum around all of the uneven boards and then scrub the concrete with a scrub brush or rags on my hands and knees because it eats mops. My heart is a flutter at the thought. It is, after all, the little things. :) I am also excited about the fridge being in the fridge hole and the bar being in its rightful spot and the kitchen table going back to where it belongs. Oooh...my adrenalin is pumping now! I LOVE the idea of being able to be happy in my house again. This has really affected me mentally. Now, there was good from it...my kitchen is now a beautiful red instead of blah and I am getting new flooring in my living room...and it happened at a time when the kids are big enough that I am not nervous about having wood in the main living area. This is good. Maybe the lack of carpet will even make them want to play upstairs more. Okay...now I am just getting crazy. That was a reach. LOL! Anyway, the prospect of progress has renewed me. I am off to clean the house and begin moving the smaller items to the upstairs. Oh, another great thing...we will get the air ducts cleaned when it is all over...we have to. The dust will be horrific. We have lived here 5 and a half years...it is time anyway. I am anxious to see what happens with the kids and my allergies with the carpet gone and the ducts clean. Should be good. Oooh...AND, it is summer now...we do not have to be cooped up in a hotel room all together. The kids and I can be nomads and cruise from family member to family member and have fun with the time out of the house. First stop...Norman to see my sister and nephews. From there, likely Muskogee and 2 days of water park fun. Maybe we will go hang out at our lake house for a while...anyone want to play? :) Maybe we will even make it to Dallas to see the other sisters and nieces and nephew. The possibilities are endless. Likely we will spend at least one night in the hotel with daddy and swim in their pool, but only because the kids think that is the coolest thing EVER, but I am sure the excitement will fade quickly when there is nothing to do in the room. Anyway, I plan to stay gone longer than necessary to give the floor extra time to dry and any fumes to dissipate...and it is fun to travel during the summer. :)

Be careful, my friends. It is ghastly hot out there...107 yesterday and the forecast for this week is nasty!

Thanks to the new yard guys

So, yesterday my husband hired the neighbor's yard guys to care for our lawn. They said that they would come out today...Saturday...then we would be on a Friday schedule. They started weed eating at SEVEN AM! No, I am not kidding and I hope the neighbors...especially the ones next door with the teenage kids, do not hurt us. My in-laws are here and I thought I was sleeping in today. Luckily A) I NEED to start getting up earlier. I have gotten really, really lazy and 2) I was actually already awake due to several other factors. Maybe, secretly, I don't really care that much about the teenagers. The other neighbors may get muffins of apology. But, on a positive note...my yard is about to look stellar! They neighbors will likely be pleased about that.

Weirdness this morning when I got up...the girl was up and playing her DSiXL...shocking...not...the boy IS STILL ASLEEP at 7:30am with all of the yard work going on. CRAZY! He is my early riser and is usually up between 6-7. How many of you do this?...even when your kid is nearly 5....I may have to go make sure he is breathing and safe. I am a neurotic loon. I just am. I was before I had kids and I got worse when I had them. If you are a neurotic loon single, having something or someone to worry about does NOT make you better. I'm just saying.

Well, I am off to bathe before 8am for the first time in weeks. I get to go to Duffy's for breakfast because my in-laws are here. They are amazing people too. I need to tell their story too. Happy Saturday friends. May you still be sleeping.

Heavy heart

I am trying to be productive today. Words this morning from my spouse indicated that he is expecting some productivity today. We have a few issues come summer time when he is working and he perceives my work to be all play. It is a common issue between working men and stay at home women. I don't let it get to me anymore. I am struggling to get moving and get things done. Part of it is due to the 2 nights of Wii Fit I have done and my inability to move my arms...or legs for that matter, but most of it is due to the fact that my heart feels like it weighs 40 pounds inside my chest. I have been catching up on the outside world today and it seems that while my head was in the sand at the lake, I missed out of a lot of misery by other. Well...I did not actually MISS it, but it was happening. One particular story has me beside myself. One of those "it could have happened to me" stories. My heart aches for this precious, faithful family and the pain they are experiencing. My heart is also so very touched by their amazing faith. Here, in their greatest trial, they are looking for God's purpose and are open to it's teaching. I am in awe and inspired by them. It has me wondering, would my knees hurt less if I were on them more? I need to step up my Bible time, my prayer time, my teaching God's story of love to my children...don't we all? Today I will pray for my friends and I will hug my children tightly knowing, despite one's "unique issues" that try me from time to time, I am blessed beyond measure by these intelligent, healthy, mostly happy children that doctors thought would never be and at times I feared they would not be as well. God is so good and so big and so mysterious, but He loves us fully and completely and He never promised we would not experience pain, in the words of Nichole Nordeman..."the promise was when everything failed...we'd be held."