Wow...over a year since last I posted! Crazy. SO much change has occurred! The girl is 8 and a half and the half is very important. The boy is 6 and has lost 4 teeth, which have already grown in. The beagle is nearing 14 and the day after the boy's 6th birthday, we lost Mutt Man. It still brings me to tears as he was my sweetest dog ever. We also acquired Big Puppy, who is 6 months old today. :) He is pretty grand. I have much to say, but this is the last week day of Christmas break and I need to hang with my kids. :)

Oooh....double post day

The rare double post day! Aren't I chatty?! Life is good. Even when we forget briefly, it is good. Think about it for a while. I think you will agree that we have it pretty good. Yesterday was GREAT! It was a regular day really, but that is good too. My son was happy to go to school, my daughter was happy to go to school, my husband is getting better, I got a 20 minute nap...good day. Then it went to great...I was making the stew my husband had requested last week...this was good in itself because A) stew = thoughts of Grandma = happy warmth in my soul and 2) when I make stew, I do not have to cook for 3 more days = woo hoo! I digress...I do that...so, I am making the stew, the windows are open, my music is blaring and the spousal unit calls his daily afternoon call and says, "What are your plans for tonight?" "Well, I am making stew and the girl has a little homework and I assume that you will be watching the Cowboys on Monday Night Football, so I have no real plans...why?" Then the sun shone a little brighter, the angels began to sing a beautiful chorus and birds crashed into my window trying to light on my arms as that beautiful man said, " I was thinking we could pick up Sonic in the Jeep and take the kids to the park and enjoy the weather. I had a bad day and I do not want to come home and just sit." Well...because I am old enough to know that Sonic is a Drive In and not a blue hedge hog type game creature...I was in! Everyone knows that stew is tastier on day 2 anyway and this means I may not have to cook again until some time next week. WIN! It was the perfect evening for a Jeep ride and evening in the park. We ate at the picnic tables and the kids played on the playground equipment and we threw the football...it was very Norman Rockwell. On the Jeep ride back home the boy wished aloud that we could feed the neighborhood ducks for "just a minute" as they were out and, to him, looked very hungry. :) I agreed...with limits...knowing they would be blown out of the water. They kids and I grabbed the bread and headed through the neighbor's gate. The ducks flocked on over and gobbled up every scrap of bread and delighted the children. Neighbors were eating on their back porch...so of course we crashed their meal and said hello. The kids played with the dogs...I drank a little wine and we ran away. It was fun. Back home for a little Dallas Cowboy football and couch cuddles was the perfect end to the day. I put the kiddos to bed and tidied up the kitchen and turned in early myself., tired and content. These are the days to remember and cling to. This is living at its finest. Today is looking pretty good too. We were going to have an "at home day" but have been invited to feed ducks at the park with new friends...jumped on that opportunity. We will be iced in soon enough. These pretty days are numbered...the house will wait...it has been waiting for years already. One more day won't kill anyone. Enjoy your day, people!

Hormones and Blogs

Hormones and blogging...there should be a law against mixing the two. It is like drinking and texting or drinking and Facebooking...it just should not be done. Maybe I will start a support group..."Hi, I am ______ and I blog while hormonal." "Hi, ______." It will be the next big thing...I can feel it. On second thought...no one really needs to corral a bunch of hormone junkies into a small room and fuel them with coffee. For now, I will just work on my own problem. :) Bear with me...it is a process.

Special kids

The world is hard for all of us. It is even more difficult for some. It was hard for a long time for me...and still is at times and concerning certain things. This is life. It is hard to know that I cannot always fix everything for my babies. It was very, very evident this week during an event that really deserves its own post and I hope to post about it soon. I am too tired to go there tonight and honestly...with a whopping 7 followers...you are aware of the monkey fiasco. I will be laughing about it soon...but I am not there yet.

My kids are not "special needs"kids...but they are special kids with needs. I do have to do things that are a little out of the norm to be sure that they are okay. I do get looks and comments from people that do not know us well. I AM preparing my children for the real world...I just have to ease them into certain parts of it a little more gently. I do not expect the world to do this for them...but I am doing all that I can to be sure they can do it for themselves WHEN THEY ARE NOT SMALL CHILDREN. We ALL do the best we can with what we have, what we know and what we feel. To the casual observer I seem over the top in my involvement with my kids...so. They are children...aren't I SUPPOSED to be involved? Is it bad that I LIKE being with them? Is it bad that I do not want to dump them on others for as many hours as possible? Yes, I need to get away some days for short periods. I am human, but is it wrong that I miss them and want them at home? Couldn't it be that society is wrong? They are tender and sensitive and young. Why are others so eager for me to make them tiny, jaded adults? Why can't they be kids while they are kids?! I dress them like children because they are children...though this is getting really difficult to do. I am appalled by the choices available for my 7 and 5 year olds! I am preaching to the choir here, I am sure, as the few people reading this are like minded people who believe in meeting the needs of their children, what ever those needs may be...but it gets hard sometimes. I look crazy to strangers. I AM crazy, but not for the reasons they think. My kids are great. They are funny and smart and so, so giving that I worry about them at times. :) They are special and they have needs...and I will keep doing all that I can to meet them...I am their mommy and I like it. I will cushion the blows that I can and pick up the pieces when I cannot. I will shield them from the ugliness in the world while arming them against it. I will know their teachers and, for better or worse, they will know me. And when a sensory issue arises and they over react...I will be there to calm them. It is my job and I do not take it lightly. I will fail and I will make mistakes and I will be human...and if you get in my way, I will bite your head off...but I will love them the best way that I know how and I will try my hardest to do what is in their best interest until my last dying breath. I am Mommy...it is all I can be.

Bppppppth

My husband is sick...and that is all I will say about it because he hates when I talk about "his business," especially on the internet. But it isn't pretty.

I am not adjusting well to our new schedule. I am exhausted beyond explanation and I want so badly to sleep in my own bed...but see paragraph 1.

On a good note...the weather today is BEAUTIFUL! LOVE it! And I held a baby and I had crab legs at lunch. Yea today!

Meals

I think I am a pretty good wife and mom. I have my weaknesses...we all do. I am even pretty sure that I know what most of them are, I just have not figured out how to fix them all...we never do. It is life...we strive to grow and do the best we can. I am not beating myself up about it...just acknowledging that these weaknesses are there. One of my big weak areas...meal planning and execution. HATE it...did I mention I hate it?! I feel totally inadequate when it comes to meal planning. We are trying to eat healthy, well balanced meals but this has never been my strong suit...EVER. It is overwhelming to me. There are too many options and the slate is too blank. I feel particularly delinquent when it comes to breakfast and lunches for my kids. I don't eat breakfast and do not thrive in the early hours of the day. One of my kids eats a HUGE breakfast and the other is more like me and does not need much until lunch. I need to figure out better breakfast options for the girl. That kid can put away some breakfast and thus, the options need to be healthy and filling. She does not eat much lunch, so I am not entirely worried about her consumption, but she tends to be built more like her daddy and she is a girl...and she is MY girl, so I worry about her developing issues related to food and body image...and it won't help that the boy favors my side of the family and can eat anything he wants and never gain a pound...he is actually frustrated that he cannot make the scale go up. So funny. Anyhoo...I need someone to just come in and say, "Make this, this and this," and leave me recipes and grocery lists. Yeah...it is a total fantasy...but I can dream, can't I? Okay...the boy and I are off to the store to buy some random groceries that I don't know how to turn into a decent meal. Wish us luck!

The birth of the boy...who is now FIVE!

Then...and now. The boy is five today. The boy is FIVE today. How did this happen?! He is tall and thin and athletic and funny and sweet and a toot all at the same time. He loves cheese and sugar and his sister, believe it or not. He loves his family and he loves his God...most...more than his family and will tell you that a lot. I think he likes the orneriness of telling me he does not love me the most. I don't mind. I hope he always loves God more than me. He is supposed to. :) He loves sports...ALL sports, but he only wants to play baseball and soccer. He is thinking about trying football, but is afraid he might get hurt. I think he will get over that. Football is very big around here. He is so lanky though...not the football build. He could be a quarterback, or a receiver, or a kicker...that would be safer. :) He thought about hockey, but he is afraid he might get his teeth knocked out. That is okay...we live in the middle of Oklahoma where it has not been uncommon lately for the temperatures to reach 107 degrees...not a lot of frozen ponds about. :) Currently he only wants to play sports for fun. He refuses to play on a team where they keep score. It stresses him out. He is so afraid of losing. I have no idea where it came from, but he truly freaks out. It is sad and we are working on it because...well...sports are competitive...life is competitive.

Five years ago today, I was married to a great guy and was the mother of a smart, funny little 2 year old girl and we owned 2 houses. On this day, we sold our old house on the way to the hospital to have our son. It was CRAZY! We pre-signed papers and went off to the hospital. The girl went to Nanny Boo's to spend time with her cousins and was away from me for 4 days...the longest she had ever been away from me in her life. Ultrasound confirmed that the boy was still breech and the c-section would go as scheduled. I was a wreck and so scared of the surgery and anxious to meet my son and scared that I was forever altering the life of my daughter. In short...I was crazy. The morning is a blur. They took me in and gave me the spinal block and draped me and brought my husband in. He held my hand and talked to me the whole time...I was his concern...he is cool like that. I had THE most AMAZING anesthesiologist! He calmed my fears when I would panic and he told me everything that was happening behind the drape. I was mad that I was not allowed to watch...good call by my doctor. When they finally pulled my son from my body, (and the cord was NOT around his neck...there was NO reason for the little toot to be breach!) he was silent. This was a deafening silence filled with fear. The anesthesiologist was calm and told me, "I can see him. He is pink and he is moving and he looks good. Give him a minute and let them suction him." Sure enough, I soon heard his sweet cry. They brought him over and let me kiss his head and take a quick picture(the one you see above this post) and then they whisked him away. I made his daddy leave me and go with our son. He was 7 pounds, 2 ounces of pure baby perfection. He looked exactly as he does now only smaller and with less hair...it is almost weird. We had not settled on a name yet. I only saw him for a moment, but I knew him the minute I saw him. His name was obvious. I went to recovery and 15-20 minutes later my husband came to check on me. He said, in his cocky way, "I know who he is." "Oh yeah, smart guy...who is he? I just told the nurse who he is." He said our baby's name. My jaw hit the floor. That is EXACTLY who he is and we both knew it without ever talking to each other about it...creepy! I could not wait to be reunited with my sweet baby and explore every inch of his perfect baby self. I wanted to smell him and touch his sweet, soft baby skin and rub his precious little fuzz covered head. The whole day, and the 3 that followed are both hazy and clear all at the same time...Morphine itch and all.

Today, I am still married to the same great man...who is even greater, if that is possible...and I am the mother of a smart 7 year old girl and a funny 5 year old boy, still living in the same house we first brought him home to. We still have our 2 great but aging dogs and a couple of years ago we added a pet rat to the mix. I am enjoying this journey through life getting to know these great little people who call me "Mommy" and watching them become more every day. It is not all sunshine and roses, but the good does far outweigh the bad and there are more good days and happy moments than not. I am far more blessed than I deserve. Sometimes I feel like I am dreaming. If I am...don't wake me up.